New Year's Eve
The day looks very sadistic and doesn’t really have much in the name of a sequence of events, and while I may be successful in laughing it all out for the dear sake of it, it could never have felt right to put myself under the lens of positivity and delusion that makes you feel ultimate better about your life, while your dear life on the other hand~ stays it same shitty old self with not a bit of positivity in far sights. The December and November of this year have been eventful - in contrast to the flow of events through the other months starting somewhere in April, I’ve been in Class 11 for long enough to be saying a sweet bye to it soon, but it still doesn’t feel like life’s working through. And while I’ve seen much in the span of this year - like cutting off a friend who held a part of me or being cut off by another friend whom I knew so deeply, from finding absolute hell and depths of my insecurities in one friend to having another who’s ambitionless enough to drive mine to zero. As I end the year today, I also end all the hope I have in the name of friends, ‘cause for dear lord’s sake, it can’t really be worth it to be influenced so much by other people around you that you forget your own sweet spark. I have a connected family today, that I feel grateful for, but on the other hand, you can’t quite say vice versa. It’s hard today to imagine having actual people whom I was influenced by, but about the span of a few months ago - I was that person, and the main problem stands that was a part of me too and this is a part of me too, I must and absolutely must learn to give some forgiveness to myself, be on the receiving end of it once, not the giving.
Am I really born into the wrong generation or maybe I just have principles too high to be maintained in the 21st-century world is a mystery that’s run long in my head – for somehow this new generation I see in my peers is filled with a feeling of ease in failure, for this generation finds it alright to fail and not look back- maybe because this generation has not had to see the struggle of the industrial revolution or hasn’t seen the binds of a family against the world - maybe somewhere the generations before it have all failed to give it a perspective of the world, but wherever may it lie, the problem stands today, huge as a rock- a generation that has no creativity, no purpose, no ambition to drive~ leave a huge milestone, even succeeding in this generation feels like a far cry. And while I hate this feeling of my own generation so much, I cannot lie to myself and say I haven’t fallen trap to it too. Being ambitionless has been so normalised in this newer generation now it almost feels normal, as if there won’t be a struggle even if you don’t try at all. That right there is a lie as big as can be, and with an education system that loves to fuel brainless machine humans, I feel the immense need for a change, but I’m part of this generation too – which has been taught to have thoughts of its own, and know wonderful loads about its own world- but simultaneously know not a thing, nary a way to get past all its problems and approach the solutions. I too, am a part of this tired generation that’s thought of change, maybe on a low but effective scale even given a shot to it, but never gotten far enough to see an actual big enough result. While I know I’m typing in vain right now, I also know that ambitionless behaviour cannot persist in a whole generation so bad, and I know that normalizing failure at such a huge scale is only a way to protect themselves from their own criticism.
A generation that’s been brought up with high ambitions with great hopes, but given minimum efforts, Generation Z isn’t exactly wrong in its own perception, for it has only seen a world that’s pushed to be harming to everyone when really such a better place with a little effort it could be. We’re all part of a generation who once had that thought about changing if not the whole world, at least our own surroundings for the better, but all thanks to the closed-off attitudes of the generations before us, we couldn’t really have put such hells together. A generation that’s been forced onto perfection, a generation seeing no way to discover itself – Gen Z is helpless in its endeavour today and stands helpless for all people told them they need is success. That is really not all there is to live, but who out there with that information to give, for we were raised by another generation of factory-tailored fools, who couldn’t have thought out and ahead in a world where the normal was to have no perspective and be mind-slaves to schools. With a generation that has seen the internet, one can't really expect them to not create a world of their own, and here lies the beauty of this generation – they feel better when left to ponder by themselves, look through all from their own perspective - biting at their own pieces alone.
That was an expression or rather an observation I’ve made of my own generation and have always felt stood true, because somewhere or the other, my whole generation is a set of diverse individuals who have long stories to tell, even if set separately and on different worlds altogether, we’re all at the end – sufferers to the same crime, victims of the same story, all put through the same mould – having problems diverse at the surface, but just the same at the roots.
Through the long process of writing this, where writing was about forty-five minutes, I’ve done multiple things- went out for snacks with my family, played some with my brother and even gone to music, planned my new year midnight, all of that with no thought of all I’ve written here, so really not much will be remembered after reading this, the words will fade, and the meaning will shine, while it may be remembered somewhere in the mind, to the heart it will be just a meaningless amount of time spent reading something- where you’ll remember you read impactful words, but what impact the words made? Hard to really remember, although when you fall into a set of events where such a memory does return to you, you shall remember you had read it somewhere, somebody had expressed a similar feeling, although where, how, whom, why would stand pillars in front of you- unknown.
That’s great food for thought- how a reader would never actually remember the exact usage of words or even the thoughts put into words once they’ve read a whole chapter- so it really would not stand worth the number of thoughts I’ve spent here, trying to form meaningful yet elaborate sentences and write to show and portray well my state of mind- the great concern shown over events people of my generation have all faced at one point or another in their lives, where my mind has wandered off to multiple times around and always strayed right back, thinking there’s no actual possible solution, and while these words may be written to nobody in particular or really no audience at all, they stand close to a heart that has strayed wonderfully to long and huge distances, to great lengths and depths with its thinking that starts somewhere, reaches and whole new place, and yet has really been nowhere.
This somewhere is to nowhere is maybe the beauty of being born- in a generation of ponderers and dreamers- an intelligent yet ambitionless generation.
A generation that’s been brought up with high ambitions with great hopes, but given minimum efforts, Generation Z isn’t exactly wrong in its own perception, for it has only seen a world that’s pushed to be harming to everyone when really such a better place with a little effort it could be. We’re all part of a generation who once had that thought about changing if not the whole world, at least our own surroundings for the better, but all thanks to the closed-off attitudes of the generations before us, we couldn’t really have put such hells together. A generation that’s been forced onto perfection, a generation seeing no way to discover itself – Gen Z is helpless in its endeavour today and stands helpless for all people told them they need is success. That is really not all there is to live, but who out there with that information to give, for we were raised by another generation of factory-tailored fools, who couldn’t have thought out and ahead in a world where the normal was to have no perspective and be mind-slaves to schools. With a generation that has seen the internet, one can't really expect them to not create a world of their own, and here lies the beauty of this generation – they feel better when left to ponder by themselves, look through all from their own perspective - biting at their own pieces alone.
That was an expression or rather an observation I’ve made of my own generation and have always felt stood true, because somewhere or the other, my whole generation is a set of diverse individuals who have long stories to tell, even if set separately and on different worlds altogether, we’re all at the end – sufferers to the same crime, victims of the same story, all put through the same mould – having problems diverse at the surface, but just the same at the roots.
Through the long process of writing this, where writing was about forty-five minutes, I’ve done multiple things- went out for snacks with my family, played some with my brother and even gone to music, planned my new year midnight, all of that with no thought of all I’ve written here, so really not much will be remembered after reading this, the words will fade, and the meaning will shine, while it may be remembered somewhere in the mind, to the heart it will be just a meaningless amount of time spent reading something- where you’ll remember you read impactful words, but what impact the words made? Hard to really remember, although when you fall into a set of events where such a memory does return to you, you shall remember you had read it somewhere, somebody had expressed a similar feeling, although where, how, whom, why would stand pillars in front of you- unknown.
This somewhere is to nowhere is maybe the beauty of being born- in a generation of ponderers and dreamers- an intelligent yet ambitionless generation.
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